Jack's First Year

I'm writing this much earlier than Jack's actual birthday, but I'll be very busy over the next couple of weeks preparing for our Utah trip and studying for finals and getting transfer stuff done and planning Jack's party.

I never did the monthly newsletter, and I'm not sure why. I suppose it's because I blogged or facebook'd whatever interesting or life altering things Jack did.

However.

Dear Jack,

In just a couple of weeks you will be one year old. Somehow, I feel cheated by time. I don't want you to be a year old. I want you to forever live in happy baby land where all is good and you don't walk or talk and I can solve every problem with a kiss. I know that I have at least a few more years where the kiss solution is effective, but still, I feel cheated.

That's me. I'm sure you're relishing in the fact that you are mobile and that you are becoming more independent. I see it in your eyes, you are so determined sometimes. It's at these moments when you look most like me. Lately, your determination is showing through with a pout on your bottom lip while you silently chew at your top lip. You also purse your lips for no reason other than it's fun, I guess. You've been drooling like mad lately because you are trying to force four teeth through your gums. This will ultimately result in a total of 8 teeth! And mommy is still nursing you! You don't bite very often. You do, however, enjoy eating grown up food. You are beginning to reject your pureed baby foods and you enjoy pasta, meat and bagels-to name a few things.

The only thing I would change at the moment is your impeccable timing when it comes to me eating food. You SCREAM whenever I try to sit down and eat. I feed you first until you are full and even share my food with you and you still scream! Could you please stop that? Thanks!

This past weekend you took your first steps. April 7th, to be exact. You are still very wobbly, but this is your most exciting development thus far. Despite my freaking out about how terrifying it is, I couldn't be more proud of you. Sometimes you think really hard before taking a step and other times you just haul off and ramble towards me or your daddy. The latter usually results in your tumbling to the floor but you're always willing to get back up and try again.

I want to start from the beginning. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I loved you. I loved you before that; I loved the idea of you. You were and will forever be perfect to me. When you arrived, you cried just enough to let us know you were okay and then took in the world, silently and with such big eyes. Your daddy was the first person after the nurses to hold you but I couldn't wait to snuggle you and kiss you. The only unfortunate downside of having an emergency c-section is that I didn't get to hold you until about an hour after you were born. However, you barely left my arms after that point. (except for that one night when we let you go to the nursery because daddy and I desperately needed sleep)

I reluctantly shared you with the world. I allowed other people to snuggle you in those first few weeks, but once your grandmothers left and it was just me, you and daddy, I stole every moment with you that I could. I remember feeling guilty for showering because you weren't in my arms. Daddy would be happy letting you sleep in the swing or the bouncy seat but I just wanted you in my arms. This is not because he loves you less or doesn't enjoy holding you, it's because you loved your swing. And your Boppy pillow. I was able to snuggle you into Boppy and do housework and you would just stare at whatever you could see. Still, your little voice was so quiet. And you never cried unless you were hungry.

Your first few months of life were filled with travel. When you were 2 months old we drove to Michigan and you got to meet Aunt Lindsay and Uncle Doug and Mom-Mom got to spend lots of time with you. You were a fantastic little traveler until the last 30 minutes on the trip home. I think we broke your love of the car at that point. We drove down to NJ a few weeks later and spent a week at the Jersey shore. You enjoyed the water and I assume you enjoyed meeting Aunt Candi, Uncle Louie, Uncle Jason and (soon-to-be) Aunt Gen. You were always so happy in anyone's arm. You were (and still are) such a pleasant little guy.

When you were about 4 months old, we had to struggle with the idea that you may have to go to daycare. Well, I struggled...your daddy is much more sane and rational than I am when it comes to childcare.After visiting the wonderful daycare facility, I burst into tears. It was such a horrible, miserably rainy day that we took that tour. It was definitely a terrible omen. I couldn't fathom leaving you with strangers everyday. It literally broke my heart and my chest ached with the thought of you being so far away. And then, as if by miracle, one of my classes was canceled so I was able to rearrange my schedule to be at home with you for a few more precious months. I was thrilled that you wouldn't have to go and spend hours with perfect strangers.

Fast forward to October. Classes were going well and I joined the MOM's Club. This is where our story changes. For six months, you and I have been bonding. Shut in the house, knowing no one in a similar situation well enough to be social with. It was depressing. I think we had more bad days than good. This is right around the time that you discovered that you could scream. I wasn't depressed, nor did I feel helpless or hopeless, you were probably just bored--I do block these "dark days" out for the most part. At the first event I went to, the MOM's Club Halloween party, you and I met Amy and Calvin. They were not in our arranged playgroup, but we quickly fixed that when we discovered that our two playgroups were made up of similar people and that you and Calvin were the youngest in the group. Neither of you were moving yet. You weren't even rolling over at this point. It would be nice to know another kid around your age.

Amy and I became somewhat inseparable. This was fantastic. You made a friend AND SO DID MOMMY!!! We were happy. We had excuses to get out of the house and socialize with people. This was perfect. After knowing Amy for a while, she offered to take you while I was in school. NO DAYCARE! And you could play with Calvin. This has been a fantastic arrangement and we couldn't be happier.

There was more travel. You flew for the first time to NJ in October for a family reunion. Then, there was another long trip for Christmas. Finally, you and I decided to make the very long trip to Seattle without daddy to visit Nana. You still enjoyed flying and only screamed when you were trapped in your car seat down the ramp to board the plane. In Seattle, you learned to crawl stairs and pull yourself up to standing. You refined your army crawl and for a while it seemed as though you would never crawl with your belly up off the ground. However, you decided that it looked like fun and started shortly after we returned home.

We are preparing for another trip, this time to Utah. I have no doubts that you will travel as well now as you have in the past. Thankfully, we travel with daddy this time. You get to meet all of your wonderful cousins and though you don't know it, they are all so excited to meet you. I hope you're walking so we can really have fun at the Easter egg hunt!

Jack, you truly are the most wonderful thing to happen in my and daddy's life. We couldn't ask for a better child. We only ask that you be patient with us because we are ever learning and growing with you. This parenting stuff is HARD!

We love you, little Cap'n Jack, more than you can possibly comprehend at the age of ONE!!

Happy Birthday!

Government Shutdown??

This is ridiculous. Kindergarten kids get along better than the men and women the run our country. I feel as though the government is working backwards. Sure, there's a black guy in office, but we're still a bunch of bigoted assholes that refuse to listen to logic.

Biggest issues I have with this shutdown:

The "main" issues are Planned Parenthood and EPA funding. WTF?? Seriously? THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING GOING ON IN OUR COUNTRY RIGHT NOW? What about finding a better energy source? or perhaps take a pay cut to work on that whole budget issue? Politicians are paid way too much for public figures. Share the wealth (oh, that makes me a socialist doesn't it??)

My point is this: If I can see the error of their ways and I'm the world's most stubborn person, it really shouldn't require this much fighting. There is a way to compromise people. For example: Planned Parenthood has stated that no federal funding goes to abortions. Why is rescinding all the funding still so important? And the EPA wanting to regulate greenhouse gases to avoid global warming? Regardless of your beliefs on global warming, it's still a smart thing to do to ensure that the air remains breathable for future generations.

When there is a government shutdown, military personnel will not get paid and are still required to perform their duties but the assholes that cause the damn shutdown continue to get paid. This is absolute bullshit. Of any single group that is government run, the soldiers deserve to continue getting paid.

My personal belief is that we are in a war that we shouldn't be in. However, I can't be mad at soldiers because they're doing their job and therefore, they don't deserve to be punished. They are amazing people that are working hard to keep our over privileged asses free. (on that note, people that picket at soldier's funerals should be shot on sight; but that's a different rant)

Now. Do you all want to hear something happy and potentially terrifying? JACK IS STARTING TO WALK. He deliberately let's go of the surface he is holding on to and attempts to take a few steps. He got halfway across the living room before he realized that crawling is still faster. This is what I will be working on this weekend. At least it's progress!