How good books are like ex-boyfriends

This thought has been going through my head and I'm not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense to anyone but me. But, I need help and some recommendations of good books so here we go.

I keep going back to the same old books. I have read and reread and reread some more so much that I have books memorized. I have this horrible habit now of going to a certain point, reading a few pages, remembering that I liked a different point IN THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK and then skipping to the end.

Case in point: the Twilight Saga. These aren't even very good books. I love the story, not the psychological-book expert-ripped to shreds-ABSTINENCE-STALKING-story, but the story that two people are meant to be together and work through seemingly impossible scenarios to do so. I like love stories like that. I'm also a Danielle Steel fan. Sorry. I love romance. Perhaps it's because I've only ever been "serenaded" once (apologizing in advance if that particular person reads this and curses the word) and it wasn't by my husband (hint, hint, Todd) and I'm severely lacking the spontaneity of ridiculous romance. I love my husband and accept the fact that I will never have to fly to exotic places to keep him from say, sparkling himself to death :( (thank you, Amy, for that wonderful selection of words!)

This is where the ex-boyfriend reference comes to play. Now, I'm speaking generally, not specifically as I was and am monogamous and have never done the break up-get back together 800 times. In the early days of young love, when things are perfect and there are no problems is the first read through. Then, you reach the end of the book, break up and maybe date around. Switch genres, maybe play around with other books by the same author (dating friends of the ex...) but eventually you return to the original boy, I mean book. You're comfortable, and accept each other's flaws, and it's okay if the 100th time in you drop him in the bathtub. Does this make sense?

Now, I need a new boyfriend. I want new books. In the last year, I've been very busy lazy with reading new stuff. I'm somewhat specific with this so hear me out. I do not read books with eleventy-billion characters. No LoTR or from what I understand, Game of Thrones. I rage quit two chapters in and get frustrated that I can't keep similarly named characters straight. (seriously, though, I have read the intro chapter to LoTR SEVERAL times and I still don't know what the hell is going on-I'm a big supporter of reading the books before seeing the movies but I'm gonna pass on that one.) I am not a fan of classics. I think the oldest book I've read was Little Women or perhaps Anne of Green Gables. I will do any genre but when it comes to non-fiction I am a bit picky. I like to escape into the book world, not relive history. However, I will read non-fiction if it has to do with Russian history or is a personal account of historical events. I like fantasy and romance and YA books. I will read just about anything as long as it's interesting.

Please recommend your favorite authors and/or books and I will give them a try. Especially now that I have figured out how to borrow from the library on my Kindle. (I haven't actually done it yet, but I think I understand how.)

Thanks all!

One of those moments

I had one of those moments today. The moment when you're so overwhelmingly glad to be a parent to such an amazing kid.

It was after lunch and I took Jack upstairs for his nap. We have a pretty set routine for nap and bedtime and Jack loves it. We always read a story and there is a pile of books next to the rocker. He chooses a book (usually Toy Story, but that was out in the hall) and today it was "Love You Forever." He began to climb up in my lap and I said, "don't you need Kitty? And Moo-Cow? What about your blanket?" He looked around and found his blanket gave it to me and then grabbed Kitty from his crib and meowed and ran across the room.

Then I said, "if you're not going to sit with me, I will just have to read to Moo-Cow" and began to read the book.

He ran over to me, said "mooo!" and climbed in my lap. He grabbed his cow and the book from me, opened it and began babbling. I almost cried because it was such an awesome moment. I'm raising a reader!

I am so lucky to be his mommy!

Dear Tooth

I feel you there, on the top right gum of my innocent baby's mouth. I can feel how stretched and tight you are making the tiny space as you attempt to force yourself through. I ask that you do it a bit quicker and possibly less painful.

I appreciate that my son will eventually need you but would you mind not being such a dick when pushing through his horribly sensitive gums? Today has been one of the worst teething days we have ever experienced. I can only hope that every one of his tantrums in the last two days is because of you and when you finally do push through things will get better. I am not ready for the terrible twos yet.

I wish you would encourage your buddies to join you so that this is a quick process. Every other tooth has emerged with a friend and so far, with you, this does not seem to be the case.

Thanks,
Mommy and Daddy

P.S. It does not make sense that you are more painful than the four massive molars he pushed through a couple of months ago. Practically all at one time. It doesn't make sense.

----------------------------------------------

Jack is now 19 months old. This month has been exciting for us. He now knows ears, eyes, honk (nose) and mouth. He enjoys cottage cheese and climbing over any obstacle he can find. Literally. He's climbing out of his crib, over his rocking giraffe, the sit and spin and the couch arms, he has begun throwing tantrums and seems to have developed a severe case of selective hearing. The last couple of weeks have been the most trying on Todd and I as parents.

Time outs. I don't know if I am doing them properly. I give chances. Jack gets a NO, which he responds to at first. Second time is a NO followed by removing the child from the situation and the third results in a mild smack on the hand (unless it's a dangerous situation i.e. GRABBING THE STOVE-in which case there are no first or second warnings.) When that doesn't work, he gets held restraint style in my arms for about 90 seconds. It doesn't hurt him, but certainly pisses him off.

We've never really had to discipline him much. Our house is EXTREMELY baby-proofed. I have had my Christmas tree up for nearly 6 weeks and he has just discovered that there are shiny things on it? It doesn't make any sense. I know that toddlers will be toddlers BUT he has been so good up until now. Honestly, it would be one thing if he tore different ornaments off the tree, because then he would be testing boundaries. But it's the SAME ornament. No, I'm not just going to take it off the tree because it's not a big deal that he's taking them off as much as the tree has nearly tipped over a couple of times from the force of his yanking. I don't want to remove the problem, I want him to respect boundaries. The cats have been better with the tree this year than the baby. Very strange.

Oh cats. Penguin seems to have finally noticed that there is a baby in the house. Over the last couple of days, he chewed through Doggy's wire (the dog that barks and walks,) tried to eat the cord on a tub toy, munched on other various Jack toys. I don't know what's gotten into him. I think it's because it's winter and usually winter means kitties get to snuggle with humans all day long and the baby interrupts that with his petting. He's not aggressive, he's not grabby or pokey. He just LOVES to touch the kitties and gets a kick out of it when Zelda or Strider respond. However, it seems as though Jack understands that Penguin is not his biggest fan and beyond knowing that Penguin is a cat and therefore meows, he has begun to leave him alone. It makes me somewhat sad. I don't know why Penguin is afraid/dislikes Jack because Jack has never done anything harmful towards him. Maybe it's just because the baby is getting bolder and doesn't give up as easily?

It doesn't help matters that I've been sick the last couple of days. I am super achy, fatigued, had a fever yesterday and have a cough and mild sore throat. I thought it might be the flu but it just seems to be the same thing I keep getting over and over again. My sinuses are blocked. I keep pushing my flu shot off because I've been constantly sick for the last few weeks. I hate this. I'm pretty sure it's the weather that has been causing it. Or stress. Either way, there's not much I can do to change the weather and the stress is holiday related and should begin to taper off soon. I have of my shopping and wrapping and cards done.

TV or no TV?

"I grew up watching TV and I turned out TV" -- Homer Simpson

I am getting pretty sick of hearing "NO TV!" I get that studies have shown that the correlation between TV watching and obesity is high and that children who watch television talk later and apparently NEVER read. I understand that parents complain that their kids don't want to play outside because of video games and television shows. However, I don't think we can entirely blame this on television. I think a lot of this also has to do with how people parent their kids.

I think it's time that I talk about my own experiences. The quote I started this post with? Describes both me and Todd. We both grew up with TVs on constantly. I watched Sesame Street and and Mr Rogers and Reading Rainbow. I also watched Looney Tunes, The Simpsons, Beavis and Butthead, The Smurfs and does anyone remember The Snorks? I had parents that, despite doing EVERYTHING else wrong, focused on teaching me right from wrong and turned television into learning experiences. There was rarely "passive" television watching in my house. TV wasn't really limited and the rule was, I did my homework and then I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. I didn't turn out to be a psychopath, exceptionally violent, or delayed at all.

When I was in first grade, we had "buddies" from the third grade classes that would come in and read to us once a week. I could read as well or better than these kids. When I was in second grade, I was one of these buddies because I was too bored during the other reading periods. I was also a buddy in third grade. In 4th grade, I was reading at a middle school level and things just progressed from there. I read A LOT. I also watched a lot of TV and played video games a lot. I still read, watch an insane amount of television and enjoy playing the occasional video game.

I also played outside a lot. It was more fun. "In my days..." our restrictions were be home by dark and to let my parents know if we went out of earshot. I think parents now are honestly hesitant to allow their kids the freedom of simply running around. I think it's terrible that schools have cut back recess and PE. There simply isn't enough unstructured playtime anymore. Even in our own backyard, there is a lot to worry about. I think it's kind of sad. Jack LOVES to play outside but I'm so allergic to everything, I know he doesn't get to do it as often as he would like. I feel horribly guilty about this, but I get so miserable that it's just not possible for outside to be an everyday thing.

Jack loves to watch anything animated. However, given the choice between a noisy, interactive toy and TV, he will play with the toy. He reads books. He talks, I talk back to him. He barks at Pluto, so he obviously recognizes that Pluto is a dog. During shows, when the characters are counting or working on colors or letters, I make a big deal out of the reactions. Jack can identify the red ball from the blue ball. He knows big and small.

Granted, I am not a scientist, but I think that there is a big difference between passive and active television viewing. It's also dependent on the child's mental development and attention span. The studies show that under the age of two, passive television viewing is not a learning tool and they view children watching television or movies and then ask a series of questions. As far as I can tell from reading the studies, these are not children with parents that are sitting there talking to them as the show is on. Yes, I use Mickey Mouse and Sesame Street as learning tools. I use them as a way to interact with my child and teach him counting and the alphabet. I don't plop him down in front of the TV so that I don't have to play with him. If I leave the room to pee or shower, 9 times out of 10 I come back and he is playing with toys facing away from the television. The one time?? He's usually not feeling well and is having a bad day. Yes, he will get sucked in if it's something he REALLY likes (OMG Lego Harry Potter-he now goes "hmmm uh-uh" or "aha!") and I will allow this to happen because he is enjoying it.

We do not eat meals in front of the television. TV is turned off during lunch and dinner. I usually turn one of our music channels on during most of the day and enjoy my crappy reality TV while he is napping. I read an article that said even having the radio on can damage a child's ability to have "me" time. Seriously? I would go INSANE if I didn't hear something during the day.

Here's a thought. When you say "go do something besides TV!" and your kid complains "ugh, it's boring" then take a few minutes to interact with them. It's okay if dinner if 20 minutes late. Do a puzzle, throw a ball, get messy. I am not a very good "quiet time" person, so I will say make some noise. I encourage Jack to play with pots and pans and spoons. He loves it. I encourage him to splash in the tub or make messes because life's too damn short to worry whether every little decision I make during the day is going to harm him somehow. This doesn't mean that I let him play with knives or that I'm not teaching and learning with him. It means that I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.

Dragons, Ewoks and....Snow?

I redesigned my blog for fall. Like it? Good, because that's the only thing going on right now.

Life has been it's normal chaotic self but nothing interesting has happened lately. After my diagnosis of experiencing "optical migraines" I've tried to destress and chill out a bit. Apparently it's working as I haven't had another bad headache since then.

Last week was Halloween (okay, 10 days ago) and two days before Halloween it SNOWED. Roughly 4 inches or so. It was up over the top of my snow boots. IN OCTOBER!! Thankfully Halloween day it warmed up a bit and that night wasn't too terrible for the wee ones. Jack's first Halloween was cold and windy and we barely hit one street before we turned around and went home.

You mean you want me to walk in the snow? Not worth it

Jack and Daddy chill in the NOTsnow

Jack is lured to Mama and walks voluntarily in the snow

Family foot prints

It's not so bad when someone steadies him

Trick-or-Treating was canceled in many of the surrounding towns. Our friends got sick and there was snow. It wasn't perfect but it sure was fun!

My child was very uncooperative during photos

All the children. Once again, my kid is acting strange

End of the night. Tired, cold and wants his candy

Enjoying a lollipop on top of his stash

I look forward to these next couple of months because Jack is just so much more interactive. He is cooperative (most of the time) and will follow basic commands and his language skills are still developing but we can understand what he wants, usually. He says "what is dat" and "wasdat" distinctly. One means "what is [his/hers/that's] name" and one means "look over there and tell me what that is." He has learned to unlock and access the text feature of my phone and now sends random jibberish to various people. 

The holidays this year will be fun, and very busy. Todd and I are both in his brother's wedding on New Years Eve so there is all sorts of stuff planned between Christmas and the wedding. I know it will be a busy week. I hope we get through it with as little stress as possible. I'm really looking forward to Christmas though, as we got Jack a train table. We had it stuffed in our hallway that he doesn't normally go in but he found it one day and his face just LIT UP. I can't wait for him to actually open it up and play with it. For the moment he has this little plastic Thomas "take and go" kit that he plays with all the time. It's up there on his list of favorite toys with balls and video game controllers. In fact, right at this moment he is playing with a Wii controller and using it as a sword. It's amazing and awesome seeing the things that he learns every single day.

Let me tell you a story

Today kind of sucked.

I woke up after having a terrible dream that Jack was switched at birth. We apparently all knew about the switch and wanted our kids to remain in the homes they have been in. Then, the other couple's baby died or disappeared or whatever. They wanted Jack back. Yeah. Fun dream.

Needless to say, the first thing I did when Jack woke up was squeeze him nearly to death.

After that, the morning was normal. Showered, Todd fed the baby and then left for work. While I was blow drying my hair, I started feeling a bit funny and then my peripheral vision in my right eye went away. My bathroom is tiny and usually I am able to see myself in both mirrors to do the back of my hair. I could no longer see myself in the right medicine cabinet mirror. I stopped drying my hair, took the baby downstairs, waited about 5 or so minutes to see if it would go away and then I panicked. I called Todd, called the doctor and then sought out an optometrist to see what the hell was going on.

I suffer from optical migraines. Awesome.

However, before I got that lovely diagnosis, Todd and I were sitting in the waiting area and couldn't help but overhear another patient's conversation with the reception staff (note, by overhear, we were definitely NOT eavesdropping, this woman was SCREAMING her personal details.)

She's got three kids. 6, 2, and ten months. This is important. (She forgot the photos, sadly, so we weren't privy to a slideshow.) Her sister has two kids, I missed the first age but the second is just two weeks apart from the woman's youngest. Before she had her SURPRISE baby, she found out she was pregnant with triplets. Great. I was beginning to feel badly for her until she said the following "I panicked. I was terrified. Then, a couple of weeks later, I began bleeding and found out we lost one of the babies. After that, our next ultrasound revealed what is known as a "vanishing twin" and I was somewhat relieved that I was only having the one. I mean, I'd love two more kids, but not at once."

THIS IS NOT EVEN THE "BEST" PART

Her sister, the one who's also got a 10 month old? She was pregnant with TWINS! And had an ectopic pregnancy. Seriously? WTF is wrong with these women? They breed like schnauzers. So, the doctors recommended having the pregnancy terminated but the woman apparently declined, hoping for the best. The ectopic apparently cleared up on its own and she ended up with a healthy baby girl. Still has both her tubes and will probably go on to bear perfectly healthy natural sextuplets late next year. Geez...

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish any ill will on these woman, but after suffering through two years of infertility, a risky pregnancy and a somewhat risky delivery, I get a bit uneasy when woman begin flaunting their naturally occurring multiple pregnancies that miraculously turn into the so desired single births. Yes, I am a bit bitter. I also find it a bit rude that this woman was airing her business in a doctor's office. All I could do was just look at Todd with tears in my eyes. I was suffering through one of the worst migraines of my life and this woman's stories just broke my heart in two.

I never meant for this blog to turn into a "woe as me" infertility blog, but unfortunately this is simply where my life is at the moment. I'm sure this won't be my last entry on how my struggles have affected me. I have lingering issues with my infertility struggle and following ectopic pregnancy and I'm sure during the course of trying for a second baby, I will have serious doubts when it comes to my conceiving said baby.

mindless ramblings

I had some cramping today.

Cramping used to bring discomfort, make me want to curl up in a ball and lounge for the day. Now, when it comes with no apparent reason, it brings terror. I stand by what I've said about not being upset that we lost a bunch of cells that never had the opportunity to turn into a fetus, resulting in a baby. That's honestly not what I'm thinking about when I get cramps. I think about the pain, and the hospitalization and the recovery. I think about the fact that had I gone just one more day, I could have hemorrhaged and died.

Now, it's a bit silly to worry about every twinge that happens in my lower belly. I am focused more on out of the normal cramping. Normal period cramping doesn't render me crying into my husband's arms. Doesn't send me shaking in anxiety, barely holding myself up against the bathroom sink.

I can't explain the anxiety and fear I feel. It's unlike other anxiety I have felt. I have had anxiety and panic attacks. This is different, somehow. Instead of coming down afterwards with a panic induced headache, I feel myself withdrawing. I feel nothing. I can't get past the emptiness that I feel.

I really want another baby. But, at this point, I don't know if I want a baby to complete our family or to just get past the anxiety I keep feeling. I don't even know if having a baby will rid me of the anxiety or if it will just postpone it for a few months. I can't find myself getting excited at the prospect of having another baby because I know that the first two months of a pregnancy will be full of more stress and anxiety while we wait to find out if it's viable.

When I was first pregnant with Jack, I never had a thought that something could happen. I never thought his pregnancy might end in miscarriage or ectopic. It just wasn't an option. I feel that through fate, my ability to be excited has been stolen away from me. I hope when we do get pregnant again that my anxiety over being anxious will leave once we get past that 6 week ultrasound.

For now, I'd just like to go a few days without freaking out about mystery pain.

Why my child insists on cleaning my house

I'm not a cleaner. Meaning, I don't spend HOURS every day cleaning my house just so Jack can destroy it within minutes. I vacuum every couple of days and the dishes get washed everyday, but I'm not obsessive about it (unless they're stinky.)

This is important because my child somehow has instincts to clean. I don't know where he gets them. He has an unnatural fascination with the vacuum cleaner, he loves brooms and will wipe down any surface, including cats, cushions and pillows. He puts stuff away on shelves, will put his toys away if prompted. Granted, he gives up half way through because let's face it, cleaning is boring.

The other morning, I caught this gem on video

It's fantastic to see how he is developing. I am astonished at the things he does. Like this:

He's a bit weird. He lines up his toys. He isn't really a stacker, although he certainly can stack things. The other night, we stacked blocks and explored what smashing towers was like. He seems to be a fan. 

There are few words for all of the vacuuming videos we have, but this is one of my favorites:

He sees me very often vacuuming the baseboards with the corner attachment and on various occasions, these pointy plastic doodads have been swords and microphones. I love that he's carrying it around while he tries to vacuum. As far as the vacuum goes...well remember that scene in "Scary Movie" when Dept. Doofy comes out of his room with the vacuum? That's going to be my kid when he's 15. 

We're going to have to put this kid to some serious work when he's old enough to actually vacuum. Because that's a chore that I will lovingly pass down to him.

Regarding my decision to withdraw from school

I'm going to Seattle in a week. Right after a new semester has begun. At a new school. Why, you may ask? Because I withdrew from school. I've been asked why by a few different people and we've told a couple of people, but not many outside of family and a few friends.

This was not an easy decision to make. After much discussion, Todd and I decided it would be more budget friendly and possibly make me happier if I withdrew from school until Jack and hypothetical baby number 2 were in school as well. Yes, we are going to start trying for another baby.

After the shock of the ectopic pregnancy and learning that the odds became much higher to have recurring ectopics, we decided to quit being carefree and monitor my cycles, actually focus on knowing if and when I get pregnant to monitor the possibility that it could be a second ectopic. I don't want to lose my remaining tube or have any additional surgeries, causing scar tissue and recuperation and pain medication that pretty much renders me useless. I was lucky the last time, but just barely. I don't want to nearly lose my life again.

It seems silly and very anti-feminist, to put off school to have more babies, but I am happy being a homemaker/housewife. I enjoy being home with Jack everyday. Despite the isolation, I really do find that I am most happy when we snuggle up together in the morning and watch Mickey Mouse. I love being home and with him for every new thing he learns. I want the same for the eventual second child as well.

People have asked me how Todd feels about this. Honestly, it was his idea and it's been Todd who has said "if we only knew how amazing of a stay at home mom you would be, I wouldn't have pushed you so hard to go back to school." He has said this since I broke down at the thought of putting Jack into daycare. Until this semester, I felt as though by not finishing, I would be letting Jack down. Well, I'm not. I made it this far, and have seen countless other moms put themselves through school after their kids are a bit older, and am confident that my decision will make Jack realize how much I have already sacrificed, just for him.

What's in a name?

Growing up, I would complain that my name was boring old Molly. NO ONE was named Molly (until high school...then there were THREE in one class. I think my school did it to screw with our teacher.) Whenever I would complain, my dad would say "well, I wanted to name you Gertrude Matilda, but it was too hard to say." He usually followed up with what would I name myself?

Completely unoriginal, I chose Christine Elizabeth--two very popular names while I was growing up. Thus, from the time I was about 4 or 5 to the year my dad died, I was called Molly Annabelle Christine Elizabeth Gertrude Matilda (unless I was in trouble.) The Molly Annabelle part stuck until my step-mom died in 2009.

All of the nicknames growing up that I had were LONGER than my actual name. Molly Dolly, Molly Anne, Molly Annabelle, Molly Annabelle CEGM.

I hate when people shorten my name. I don't understand it. Some people have names that sound good (or at least like actual names) when shortened, like Jason (Jay) or Curtis (Curt-my dad) but for the love of god, my parents probably didn't want me called "Moll" or *shudder* "Mols." It wasn't until meeting Todd and having my world expand to the east coast when people insisted on shortening my name. I don't understand it. Perhaps it's the slow westerness in me, but I just can't jump on the bandwagon of insisting that every one have a shorter name.

Please, for the love of all that is holy in this world, STOP CALLING ME MOLL. I don't like it, I'm not a place in which you shop. I am not a gangster, I am not a woman with "loose sexual morals" and I am not a grape. (Thank you, Wikipedia, for enlightening me to a few extra definitions of my "name".)

This is why I was so adamant that my children have single syllable names (or at least names that sound good shortened, if the need arises.) Jack is perfect. It can't be shortened. Sure, there are plenty of word play opportunities and people constantly ask "is that short for John?" (seriously, these people need to learn to count) and no, it is not short for Jackson. What's really funny is I have only been asked if it's short for something while on the eastern side of the country. There is no explanation when I'm over on the west coast. Strange? Apparently I'm the only one that thinks so.

Our eventual second child is screwed.

Just an update

I haven't been keeping up with this blog during the summer. There just isn't time. Right now, Todd is working later, trying to leave the same time and I'm fumbling through the day.

It doesn't help that I had my mother-in-law here helping me out and I no longer feel as though I can Mommy on my own.

Jack, thankfully, is becoming a bit more independent. He plays by himself most of the time now and allows me to "get work done" when I need to. He will bring me his empty cup, scream when I take it from his monkey grip and fill it up for him. Why don't babies come preprogrammed understanding that "in a minute" really does mean "in a minute" and NOT "I'm taking this away for ever and ever and I'm going to laugh maniacally as I do it BWAHAHAHA!!!"

Let's see. Jack has mastered balloon, mom-mom (although he seems to think that HE is mom-mom, not grandmom,) Jack, mama, dada, Zelda (this is interesting as it has replaced "kitty." Ask him where Strider, Penguin or Zelda is and he will point out the correct cat but still calls them all "Zelda") Shhh! (with one finger over his lips) and he mimics humming/singing. He loves to show off to new people and will preform a variety of tricks.

He can now remove and replace straws into their proper places (hole in the cup, capri-sun, juice box, etc,) put things into his Easter basket and carry them from one place to another (before he didn't want anything in the basket,) pick his snack out of the refrigerator, know when something is being hidden from him. He can stab things with his fork now, too.

He seems to identify colors? I could just be imagining this. If I ask him to bring me the blue ball, he will bring me the blue ball. If I ask him to bring me the red ball, he will bring the red dinosaur ball. However, he seems at a loss when trying to get him to bring the blue skull ball. I don't know if this is color differentiation or if he just knows that these items are named "blue ball" and "red ball."

He mimics TV. This is quite entertaining. I was watching Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief earlier today and when the good guys won and all raised their arms up, Jack shoots his arms up in the air and lets out a very happy squeal. It's adorable. We're trying to teach him to raise his arms after we shout "TOUCHDOWN."

That's about it for now. I am amazed at how much he is learning everyday. And everyday, something is new and exciting to him. I am looking forward to what we can learn from each other tomorrow!

Highest fever ever

We spent the 4th of July weekend worrying about the baby and his strange fever. Sunday morning, it was pretty low. About 101. He was acting fine and we chalked it up to teething. His fever never really broke, but got down to the high 99s with Tylenol. Monday, he was actually seemingly okay. However, it spiked to 102 after playing outside so we rushed him home for the air conditioning and to keep a closer eye on him. We gave him some more medicine and his fever dropped to low 101.

Then, he woke up. His fever sat at 101.5 and then jumped to 103. I panicked at that point. I know that babies can run higher fevers than adults and still appear fine, but I worried about WHY it was happening. By the time we got to see the triage nurse in the ER, his fever hopped to 104.7. Seeing those numbers scared the ever loving shit out of me. With high fevers like that, there comes the possibility of seizures and all sorts of scary things. Meningitis, the flu, and any other terrifying disease ran through my mind. It was not a good feeling.

They dosed him with Motrin and we spent a few hours of observation in a room with two different nurses. One was really sweet and made Jack giggle and flirt. The other was an over energized, loud scary man. Jack doesn't have fear of any people in particular, but this nurse somewhat terrified him. He didn't cry at the sight of him, but he was certainly quiet and cautious. Whenever the man would touch him he would cry. I never, ever want to see anyone perform a temperature on my son the way this guy did. I understand that restraint isn't meant to hurt kids and is meant to keep them safe and being uncomfortable for a few seconds won't kill or scar Jack, but this guy was holding his little legs so tight that the man's arm was shaking. Jack wasn't fighting the thermometer and would have been happier if we held him down. I am pretty sure I will make the executive decision next time to restrain my child myself.

His diagnosis was a possible viral infection and the beginning of what appeared to possibly be an ear infection. A lot of "maybes" were tossed around including: chicken pox, hand foot and mouth disease, and the general "viral infection."

Jack's fever finally broke on Tuesday. We went to see our regular doctor and she diagnosed Jack with an ear infection. This is his fourth ear infection since Easter. Joy. We managed to make it through the first year without any major illnesses and now it seems like he is always battling ear infections. He doesn't even get them after being sick. He just gets them. The spots appeared on Wednesday. We first noticed them on his face because that was what was visible. We were out to lunch with Todd and noticed Jack had medium sized spots on his face. We got him home and they were all over his chest and back. I called the doc and got a vague chicken pox, roseola, heat rash diagnosis and to see how they develop.

We're still unsure of what they are. We stopped the antibiotics and are waiting to see if it is a reaction to the zithromax or if it's roseola. If it's not roseola, we don't know what it is.

Not much going on

The title says it all. I just feel the need to write.

Other than the usual baby developmental advancements, our lives are pretty routine. In terms of development, Jack has learned to go "uh uh uhuhuh" when someone takes something that he has or wants to have. Alternatively, he has a "ah ah ahahahahah" when he wants you to DO something with said thing that was just taken.

Not huge things: he can put stuff INTO other stuff. His favorite is to put bath toys in the cup that we use to rinse his hair. He doesn't like when other people put something in his stuff. i.e. putting eggs in his newly rediscovered Easter basket. He's also learned that when he throws a toy over the gate, it can be retrieved underneath the opening. This is very cute. It will also entertain him for a good 7-10 minutes. Lovely time to hop on Facebook and reconnect with the world.

Perhaps the neatest thing that he's learned is to spin around. He spins and spins and falls down. It's quite cute. I didn't know that this started so early. He climbs in and out of things and can climb up onto his rocking giraffe and rock. He can also rock his little rocking chair. Both awesome birthday gifts.

He's learned to say "ball" and actually does the "l" sound. His tongue sticks out really far and he says "b-llllll" kinda like the "a" is skipped. I love it. He gives kisses now. Big, openmouthed sloppy baby kisses. These are the best because I have to work so hard to get them. Yesterday he gave me several in a row and I didn't receive any more until tonight before bed.

I feel rushed lately. I'm not sure why, it's not like I do anything or go anywhere. But somehow, I'm always rushing around. I don't like the feeling that I'm always having to play catch up. I thought summer vacation was supposed to be relaxing. Lies, I tell you. LIES!

HOLY CRAP! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

JACK SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! in his pack and play and then last night ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT. No 3am whimpers that have to be ignored. Todd actually had to go in and check on Jack this morning to make sure he was okay. Jack woke up a happy guy to daddy's face.

I figured out the secret to getting babies to sleep in pack and plays. This has been a problem since Jack was a newborn. Well, not quite. He did successfully sleep in the bassinet but we quickly moved him to his crib. Anyway. The trick is to put Mommy's pillowcase under the soon to be sleeping baby. Jack slept through the night all three nights that we were at my in-laws house. We were incredibly impressed.

I will upload pictures of Jack's THIRD first birthday party later. They're not transferred to the computer yet. He had a blast and loves every one of his gifts.

New Things

Since Jack's first birthday, I've noticed some serious cognitive changes in him. He is more balanced, has better hand-eye coordination and is becoming more clear in making sure we know what he wants.

He's also started throwing temper tantrums. They are mostly funny (and I do laugh) but I feel too terrible to take a video of it to post.

Most of all, his little personality is really starting to show through. He loves to dance and when daddy plays music videos and dances crazy, Jack seriously tries to mimic him. Today, Todd started waving his hands up in the air while running around in circles and Jack tried to copy him and succeeded in waving his hands and stomping his feet.

Jack also gets very, very angry with his toys when they refuse to cooperate with him. Mostly this happens when he tries to get the big heavy toys out of the toybox and he can't quite lift them. He will throw the surrounding toys across the room in a fit of anger and scream at his toybox. This, also, is quite entertaining and I desperately try to not encourage the problem by laughing.

Today, Jack learned two new things. He learned that he can bring something to me to open (he would just get mad before) and he learned how to climb in and out of a laundry basket.

(I hope the video works. I don't usually have to edit in HTML)

I'm so very proud of him and cannot wait until his language skills further develop. As of today, he is up to: Mama, dada, kitty, what'sthat (wuzzat while pointing), Zelda, hello, and nana. 

Enjoy the videos!

Healing

Well, my belly is healing and I'm left with three little scars to show for what I've lost. Which is a tube. Nothing else. However, the question was raised today about future complications.

No.

There are no complications from this surgery. Not from this tube. However, the odds that we can have another ectopic pregnancy are now higher. About 1 in 10. This jumps from originally 1 in 100 pregnancies. My doctor said it's not a problem, we have to monitor from very early in the pregnancy and if it results in another ectopic then we take care of it. I am still shocked that with all the medical intervention we have these days that doctors can't take a fertilized embryo from a tube and place it into the uterus but whatever.

My hCG levels are properly going down. The doctor wasn't quite sure he got all the...shrapnel (I'm sorry, I can't think of a more appropriate term at the moment. But, I guess this is appropriate as my tube did actually burst) so I've been going in for blood draws. I have one more to confirm that everything is gone and then we have to wait at least 4 months before "trying" for another baby.

We weren't trying in the first place. This whole thing started because we were dumb in the middle of my cycle. It's cool, I said before that we were really excited to find out that we were actually compatible and could get pregnant on our own. Driving to the hospital I joked "wouldn't it be funny if we were pregnant and I was really in labor and we ended up on that show 'I didn't know I was pregnant'?" We laughed through my pain and it helped me deal with the bumps.

What? When I'm under pressure I make bad jokes. I told the nurse "gee I'm sure glad I came in on mah bathin' day" with a horrible redneck accent and all. Oh wait, this is after they administered the dilaudid. Let me tell you: if you are in extreme pain, this makes it go away. Fast. It also makes you INSANE. Whenever I take narcotic pain medications (the whole three or four times in my life) I always have to wonder how drug addicts live like that. I don't like the feeling of being out of control of my body and this certainly did it. Of course, this was about 20 minutes after they gave me morphine that didn't work. I couldn't focus my eyes on anything and my arms felt like lead while the rest of me felt like air. It was possibly the weirdest I have ever felt.

I think I was most funny coming out of the anesthesia. I have to tell this story properly. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I was 14. This was because I had to have jaw surgery the following year and they wanted my mouth to be all settled where it should be so that they could correct my bite. I guess I have bad dreams when under and upon coming out of the anesthesia, I was crying. I remember trying to wipe away my tears and the nurse grabbed my arm so that I would hurt myself and I smacked her.

This is not the last time I will hit a nurse. Or the funniest part of my story.

So, a year later, I go in to have my jaw surgery. The nurses ask a few basic questions I guess, like my name and whatever. Then they ask me what my mom's name is. Neither of us can remember what I imagined her name was, but it certainly wasn't her proper name. For about 45 minutes, the nurse kept walking out into the waiting room calling for *imaginary mother* until I was coherent enough to tell them her actual name. Scared the bejeezus out of her :)

Sometime in high school I had surgery to remove a cyst from my cheek. Once again, I came out crying and wiped away my tears. This nurse was persistent that I was going to rip my stitches out I guess and kept forcefully snatching my hand from my face. I hit her multiple times before she figured out what was going one.

So, prior to going in for surgery, I warned my nurses that a) I cannot be relied upon to provide proper information about myself or my life and b) I have a tendency to hit people after waking up. I had a great nursing staff this time and everything turned out to be fine going under and coming out. Except my oxygen levels kept dropping and apparently I kept forgetting to breath when I fell asleep and the nurses and Todd kept telling me to keep breathing. I was in the ICU and they let Todd stay with me until I moved to my final room.

I had a good experience with my nurses and doctors and I think that helped make my experience that much less stressful and emotional. No one referred to my condition as a pregnancy, no one called the exploded tube a baby and for the most part, it was treated just as an unusual occurrence. I have said before and still feel that I don't feel like I lost a baby or a pregnancy or had an abortion or any other negative connotation that could be applied to this situation. Honestly, I suppose I feel the same way as if they had simply taken my appendix. I can't possibly know this as I still have my appendix, but whatever.

The last week has been rough. Well, the last 3 days (thank god I don't have to cook-I am so appreciative of my fellow MOMs Club mommies-THANK YOU AGAIN!) I have been alone with Jack and I'm still tender. He will kick me at an odd angle and I double over in pain that feels like I am going to die. I'm struggling to keep him happy and satisfied and feel horrible when he cries because I can't hold him the way he wants. I want to be able to get down on the floor and roughhouse with my baby again. I want to be able to pick him up and toss him in the air and listen to his giggle. Today was good. Hard, but good. We watched Up and he snuggled me as I cried through the montage (gets me every single time I watch this movie.) He was very worried and toddled over to me to hug me and plant big kisses on my chin to cheer me up.

Surgery and other losses

I did edit this and then Blogger kind of...crashed. I will reedit with the edits in italics. Let's hope it sticks this time :)

I need to write about what happened so bad that I'm on my iPhone doing so!

Yesterday I began having little twinges on my lower left right side and said at one point: I feel like I'm ovulating. Little did I know, I wasn't far off...

Around 6:30 I really had to go to the bathroom so I put a screaming Jack into his crib and never left the toilet. I couldn't move; it felt like my insides were stabbing each other and we thougt it mint might be my appendix. Todd called Jen and Woody to see if they could take Jack and we ran to the ER. After some preliminary tests, we went in for an ultrasound to rule out pregnancy. While in there, Todd and I found out that my urine pregnancy test came back positive.

For about 5 minutes we were actually excited. However,our excitement was short lived when the tech couldn't find anything in my uterus. Turns out I was 6 weeks along and the pregnancy was ectopic. We were devastated but happy in the knowledge that we are able to get pregnant on our own.

Last night they did surgery and removed my right Fallopian tube but my ovary is still intact. I am glad this all happened so fast so that I couldn't get attached to the feta. This should obviously be "fetus" but apparently the iPhone doesn't recognize that as a term that one would used. There needs to be a smarter word selector that takes context into consideration. Really, I wasn't attached to FETA? I love feta. I don't feel like I suffered a loss. I am not upset that I am losing a tube. I am thankful that we caught it in time and that I have my life. I am thankful that I got to hold Jack before my surgery but mostly I am thankful for Jack.

He was such a good boy at Jen's and then at Amy's. I love him so much and can't wait to see his loving smiling face. He is my miracle baby and I'm fine if it's just him in our lives for now. My husband has also been amazing. He has been supportive and I am glad he was able to go home and get some sleep last night.

I will probably come back and edit this later when I get home. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors!!

planes and ears and strep throat, oh MY!

The past 10 days have been incredibly interesting.

Our trip started out rocky. Jack was diagnosed with his first ear infection the week before we left and was mistreated with only 7 days of antibiotics instead of 10. I wasn't worried about his ears because he seemed to be doing fine. I wasn't surprised that Jack did very well on the plane, despite having just got over his first ear infection.

Back row of the plane

We were stuck in the VERY LAST row of the plane. These are the smallest three seats on the plane due to the bulkhead (hehe dirty) and the plane was full. Packed. We got seated with a pretty cool guy that was about the same size as Todd. Surprisingly, Todd says it was one of the most enjoyable flights he's had in a long time. It was bumpy, I forgot Nosey Bear and I swear, I will never fly without him. Ever. Every flight we've had without him has been terrible.

  Anyway.

We got grounded in Chicago and this is a good thing because right after we eventually took off, a tornado touched down in St. Louis. Apparently we would have been right there had the FAA not had the foresight to stop takeoffs. We ended up being about an hour and a half late to land but we were safe.

finally enjoying the grass

Dying eggs with a sleeping baby!

Playing with his Easter basket

Jack's first Easter was egg-cellent :) He nearly slept through the egg hunt until I woke him up to come play with us. He was a little groggy but eventually returned to his happy self. We put him down in the grass, much to his displeasure, but he finally got over the weird feeling and crawled around everywhere. I believe it was during this time that Jack became inseparable from my nephew Tanner and found a new best friend (sorry Calvin!) He really enjoyed playing with the eggs and his prizes that he got and began warming up to his large extended family.

Sleepy baby!

 Fast forward a few days. Jack begins to walk EVERYWHERE. This is so cool! He falls down a lot and ends up with a rug burn on his forehead: see photos However, Tuesday, my other nephew came down with a sore throat and was diagnosed with Strep throat. We were concerned about Jack, but didn't seriously worry until the next morning when he came down with a fever. We took him to the doctor despite not seeming sick and he was positive for Strep and his ear infection never went away! Not only that, but it came back in full force on BOTH EARS! The poor little guy. Thus began his second round of antibiotics.

WALKING!

Thursday morning Todd woke me up with a fever. He got Strep, too. So, I called our doctor in MA and she faxed over some prescriptions for Todd and myself for Strep. Joy of joys. We were so worried that Todd wouldn't be well enough for the party on Sunday. Miraculously, he woke up Sunday morning feeling much better. I'm not sure how miraculous it really was since he was on antibiotics for two days, but whatever.

CHEESE!

Jack's party was awesome! We ordered a cake from the Target bakery (I wish we had Super Target near us) and it turned out gorgeous. The weather was beautiful: windy, but nice in the sun. Most everyone was able to come and Jack really enjoyed his birthday song and LOVED being able to smash his jumbo cupcake into the counter and his face. He was more excited about the frosting than the cake, though.

MMM! Frosting!

Monday we left. The return flight home was mostly uneventful. Except for the poop. Oh! Don't quit reading now!! This is a funny story, not a gross one. Apparently, when a baby is placed on back-to-back antibiotics it messes with their natural flora and can cause the squirts (see, funnier than "diarrhea") and the specific antibiotic that Jack is on turns his poo a reddish color. Well, he pooped at the Chicago airport and we didn't expect him to go again until we were at least home. We were wrong. Before we even reached cruising altitude, not only did Jack poop, but he leaked out of his diaper onto the Boppy cover and Todd's pants. AWESOME! I told you it was funny! So, I ran him (literally ran) up the aisle to the front bathroom (it has the changing table) and quickly changed his diaper. I noticed we were running out of wipes so I got back to our seat and told Todd this. Both of us agreed that this had to be it. He wouldn't poop again until we were at least to Boston. We couldn't be more wrong.

I had one wipe.

Murphy's law says: HE WILL POOP AGAIN. AND IT WILL BE GROSS.

We hit horrible turbulence.

I couldn't go to the bathroom.

I changed his runny diaper ON MY LAP. For some reason his poop hasn't been smelling, so this wasn't a problem. I was so proud of myself. ONE WIPE! We decided that he could not poop anymore. He didn't and slept the remainder of the flight.

We are home now. I picked up my cap and gown and tassel today and I graduate May 19th. I'm so excited! This weekend we have Jack's second of three birthday parties. I'm sure he will be as charming at the next two parties as he was at his first. Even throughout his separation anxiety, he is always so pleasant and adorable :)

Love you baby!

Jack's First Year

I'm writing this much earlier than Jack's actual birthday, but I'll be very busy over the next couple of weeks preparing for our Utah trip and studying for finals and getting transfer stuff done and planning Jack's party.

I never did the monthly newsletter, and I'm not sure why. I suppose it's because I blogged or facebook'd whatever interesting or life altering things Jack did.

However.

Dear Jack,

In just a couple of weeks you will be one year old. Somehow, I feel cheated by time. I don't want you to be a year old. I want you to forever live in happy baby land where all is good and you don't walk or talk and I can solve every problem with a kiss. I know that I have at least a few more years where the kiss solution is effective, but still, I feel cheated.

That's me. I'm sure you're relishing in the fact that you are mobile and that you are becoming more independent. I see it in your eyes, you are so determined sometimes. It's at these moments when you look most like me. Lately, your determination is showing through with a pout on your bottom lip while you silently chew at your top lip. You also purse your lips for no reason other than it's fun, I guess. You've been drooling like mad lately because you are trying to force four teeth through your gums. This will ultimately result in a total of 8 teeth! And mommy is still nursing you! You don't bite very often. You do, however, enjoy eating grown up food. You are beginning to reject your pureed baby foods and you enjoy pasta, meat and bagels-to name a few things.

The only thing I would change at the moment is your impeccable timing when it comes to me eating food. You SCREAM whenever I try to sit down and eat. I feed you first until you are full and even share my food with you and you still scream! Could you please stop that? Thanks!

This past weekend you took your first steps. April 7th, to be exact. You are still very wobbly, but this is your most exciting development thus far. Despite my freaking out about how terrifying it is, I couldn't be more proud of you. Sometimes you think really hard before taking a step and other times you just haul off and ramble towards me or your daddy. The latter usually results in your tumbling to the floor but you're always willing to get back up and try again.

I want to start from the beginning. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I loved you. I loved you before that; I loved the idea of you. You were and will forever be perfect to me. When you arrived, you cried just enough to let us know you were okay and then took in the world, silently and with such big eyes. Your daddy was the first person after the nurses to hold you but I couldn't wait to snuggle you and kiss you. The only unfortunate downside of having an emergency c-section is that I didn't get to hold you until about an hour after you were born. However, you barely left my arms after that point. (except for that one night when we let you go to the nursery because daddy and I desperately needed sleep)

I reluctantly shared you with the world. I allowed other people to snuggle you in those first few weeks, but once your grandmothers left and it was just me, you and daddy, I stole every moment with you that I could. I remember feeling guilty for showering because you weren't in my arms. Daddy would be happy letting you sleep in the swing or the bouncy seat but I just wanted you in my arms. This is not because he loves you less or doesn't enjoy holding you, it's because you loved your swing. And your Boppy pillow. I was able to snuggle you into Boppy and do housework and you would just stare at whatever you could see. Still, your little voice was so quiet. And you never cried unless you were hungry.

Your first few months of life were filled with travel. When you were 2 months old we drove to Michigan and you got to meet Aunt Lindsay and Uncle Doug and Mom-Mom got to spend lots of time with you. You were a fantastic little traveler until the last 30 minutes on the trip home. I think we broke your love of the car at that point. We drove down to NJ a few weeks later and spent a week at the Jersey shore. You enjoyed the water and I assume you enjoyed meeting Aunt Candi, Uncle Louie, Uncle Jason and (soon-to-be) Aunt Gen. You were always so happy in anyone's arm. You were (and still are) such a pleasant little guy.

When you were about 4 months old, we had to struggle with the idea that you may have to go to daycare. Well, I struggled...your daddy is much more sane and rational than I am when it comes to childcare.After visiting the wonderful daycare facility, I burst into tears. It was such a horrible, miserably rainy day that we took that tour. It was definitely a terrible omen. I couldn't fathom leaving you with strangers everyday. It literally broke my heart and my chest ached with the thought of you being so far away. And then, as if by miracle, one of my classes was canceled so I was able to rearrange my schedule to be at home with you for a few more precious months. I was thrilled that you wouldn't have to go and spend hours with perfect strangers.

Fast forward to October. Classes were going well and I joined the MOM's Club. This is where our story changes. For six months, you and I have been bonding. Shut in the house, knowing no one in a similar situation well enough to be social with. It was depressing. I think we had more bad days than good. This is right around the time that you discovered that you could scream. I wasn't depressed, nor did I feel helpless or hopeless, you were probably just bored--I do block these "dark days" out for the most part. At the first event I went to, the MOM's Club Halloween party, you and I met Amy and Calvin. They were not in our arranged playgroup, but we quickly fixed that when we discovered that our two playgroups were made up of similar people and that you and Calvin were the youngest in the group. Neither of you were moving yet. You weren't even rolling over at this point. It would be nice to know another kid around your age.

Amy and I became somewhat inseparable. This was fantastic. You made a friend AND SO DID MOMMY!!! We were happy. We had excuses to get out of the house and socialize with people. This was perfect. After knowing Amy for a while, she offered to take you while I was in school. NO DAYCARE! And you could play with Calvin. This has been a fantastic arrangement and we couldn't be happier.

There was more travel. You flew for the first time to NJ in October for a family reunion. Then, there was another long trip for Christmas. Finally, you and I decided to make the very long trip to Seattle without daddy to visit Nana. You still enjoyed flying and only screamed when you were trapped in your car seat down the ramp to board the plane. In Seattle, you learned to crawl stairs and pull yourself up to standing. You refined your army crawl and for a while it seemed as though you would never crawl with your belly up off the ground. However, you decided that it looked like fun and started shortly after we returned home.

We are preparing for another trip, this time to Utah. I have no doubts that you will travel as well now as you have in the past. Thankfully, we travel with daddy this time. You get to meet all of your wonderful cousins and though you don't know it, they are all so excited to meet you. I hope you're walking so we can really have fun at the Easter egg hunt!

Jack, you truly are the most wonderful thing to happen in my and daddy's life. We couldn't ask for a better child. We only ask that you be patient with us because we are ever learning and growing with you. This parenting stuff is HARD!

We love you, little Cap'n Jack, more than you can possibly comprehend at the age of ONE!!

Happy Birthday!

Government Shutdown??

This is ridiculous. Kindergarten kids get along better than the men and women the run our country. I feel as though the government is working backwards. Sure, there's a black guy in office, but we're still a bunch of bigoted assholes that refuse to listen to logic.

Biggest issues I have with this shutdown:

The "main" issues are Planned Parenthood and EPA funding. WTF?? Seriously? THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING GOING ON IN OUR COUNTRY RIGHT NOW? What about finding a better energy source? or perhaps take a pay cut to work on that whole budget issue? Politicians are paid way too much for public figures. Share the wealth (oh, that makes me a socialist doesn't it??)

My point is this: If I can see the error of their ways and I'm the world's most stubborn person, it really shouldn't require this much fighting. There is a way to compromise people. For example: Planned Parenthood has stated that no federal funding goes to abortions. Why is rescinding all the funding still so important? And the EPA wanting to regulate greenhouse gases to avoid global warming? Regardless of your beliefs on global warming, it's still a smart thing to do to ensure that the air remains breathable for future generations.

When there is a government shutdown, military personnel will not get paid and are still required to perform their duties but the assholes that cause the damn shutdown continue to get paid. This is absolute bullshit. Of any single group that is government run, the soldiers deserve to continue getting paid.

My personal belief is that we are in a war that we shouldn't be in. However, I can't be mad at soldiers because they're doing their job and therefore, they don't deserve to be punished. They are amazing people that are working hard to keep our over privileged asses free. (on that note, people that picket at soldier's funerals should be shot on sight; but that's a different rant)

Now. Do you all want to hear something happy and potentially terrifying? JACK IS STARTING TO WALK. He deliberately let's go of the surface he is holding on to and attempts to take a few steps. He got halfway across the living room before he realized that crawling is still faster. This is what I will be working on this weekend. At least it's progress!

Got a funny email today

I got an email from Netflix. We use Netflix watch now on Xbox and PS3 and haven't really had any issues. I wasn't aware there were issues until I received the following email:

Dear Molly,

Recently you may have had trouble instantly watching TV episodes or movies due to technical issues.

We are sorry for the inconvenience this may have caused. If you attempted and were unable to instantly watch TV episodes or movies yesterday, click on this account specific link in the next 7 days to apply a credit to your next billing statement. The credit will be 3% of our $7.99 a month plan that lets our members instantly watch unlimited TV episodes and movies. Credit can only be applied once.

Ready to start watching again? Check out our latest selection.

Again, we apologize for any inconvenience and thank you for your understanding. If you need further assistance, please call us at 1-866-923-0898.

–The Netflix Team


I would like to point out that they're being very generous to OFFER a credit before I complained. Todd and I had a nice chuckle at the 24 cents they were going to return to us for having difficulties. I guess that 24 cents times millions of customers is quite a loss :)


You go Netflix, for having awesome customer service!


(please note, this post is not sarcastic, I truly am impressed that they are preemptively offering a refund when I did not complain. The chuckle comes from the $0.24 they were offering!!)

Define: Marriage

I watch a lot of TLC reality television. I watched "Jon and Kate," I watch "19 Kids and Counting" and I have a hopeless addiction to "Sister Wives" (and "Big Love" on HBO).

Tonight, Todd and I watched the second season premier and the second episode. While watching and discovering that the poor Brown family is now under a bigamy investigation I have to ask myself...who the hell cares?

The dude owns his own business and can support his four wives and all their kids. As far as I can tell, they aren't committing insurance or tax fraud and their kids are well rounded, active and normal kids. Kids that are never neglected because there is always a mom at home that cooks and takes care of the kids. I get that Utah and Mormons in general are trying to break away from the polygamy stereotype and distance the church as far from the nutjob FLDS. But, it's not like they're the only religion that's ever practiced polygamy in the history of religion (or modern religion!!) It's not like they're even the only religion that has a history of taking young brides.

(I do not condone underage marriage or teen pregnancy in any way. I think kids should be kids for as long as possible. However, I am ever open to other people's religious beliefs and while I may think some things are wrong, I still try to be open minded. In 7th grade, I read the book "Shabanu" about an 11-year old girl forced to marry a much older man to protect her family's honor. She becomes marriageable when her period starts. I was 12. I remember thinking how insane it was to possibly be married at the age of 12.)

Mostly, I don't think that the courts in any manner can intervene in religious beliefs. It is part of the 1st amendment and it's not the government's business if a man chooses to marry more than one woman. If there is child abuse or fraud committed, it is perfectly acceptable for the law to get involved.

I want to touch on gay marriage here, too. To say that homosexual couples ruin the American family is one of the most ridiculous things to ever say. I loved the thing going around Facebook talking about Larry King's and Elizabeth Taylor's multiple marriages and that they're the ones ruining the sanctity of marriage. This is one of the things I love about living in Massachusetts. I think it's sad that the government has the right to say who can be in love. What kind of world do we live in? Who does it really affect to let two men or two women declare their love for one another and get a tax break? Of course, these are the same lawmakers that are trying to redefine RAPE. There aren't enough curse words in the universe to describe these people.

I want to raise my children to be open-minded about other people's beliefs and grow up knowing that whatever they become will be perfectly acceptable with me. I will love them no matter what. I will find a way to make life as easy as possible if they choose a lifestyle that is not what is considered "normal". How do I do this in today's world?

The same people that claim they are fighting to keep America free are trying to stifle people's personal beliefs. I hope in the next 20 years we really begin to see a positive change in this country. As the current generation becomes more political what will change? How can there be so much anger towards other lifestyles in the 21st century? I'm pretty sure I've written this before but I really don't understand how I, a moderately educated person, seem so much smarter than the people that are running this country... Todd likes to say that in the next 10 years, we can have a president that grew up playing video games and how cool is that going to be? A president that takes technology seriously would be awesome. But how is this going to change the outlook of the world?

How we got Jack!

I just transferred all of Jack's videos and photos from the last three months to DVD and our external hard drive. I always check the discs to make sure that the files burned properly and I am simply amazed at how much Jack has changed in the last three months. He quite literally went from little flailing blob to an almost-toddler. It's amazing how much he has grown and learned in the last few months.

Here is the long promised, overly edited version of our struggle through infertility and resulting birth of our first child.


Jack is very special. He is most special in how he got here, in our lives.

In 2007, about 6 or so months after we got married and right after we bought our condo, Todd and I went off birth control to start trying for a family. I was on a form of birth control that stopped my periods for a number of years. I LOVED this birth control...unfortunately, it did mean that Todd has never, EVER seen me PMS. I think this was the entire reason our relationship worked and we didn't kill one another. Anyway, it was synthetic hormones that ultimately stopped me from ovulating for quite some time. Normally, women can go off birth control and get pregnant right away. For some reason, this did not happen for me. I got my periods back about 6 months after we went off BC and they came back as regular as they were before-every 28-30 days.

We tried and tried and tried. I began to hate the "relax and it'll happen" mantra. It's a bunch of crap. There's no way to relax when you want something so bad it hurts. We didn't share with our family that we were trying until quite some time after the many negatives. I didn't want anyone asking if we were pregnant yet or offering advice or raising their expectations. But mostly, I didn't want to share our very painful struggle.

Todd is the best husband I could ever ask for. Every negative test he would grieve with me. He had a very practical approach, but was just as concerned as I was that we weren't getting pregnant. He was very open to testing, which couldn't be done until we had tried, unsuccessfully, for a year to get pregnant. Infertility is described as the inability to get pregnant for at least a period of 12 months if you're under the age of 35. Most insurances consider miscarriages "pregnancies" and the clock starts over if this happens. Thankfully, we never suffered a miscarriage.

Two years after "officially" stopping birth control, we decided it was time to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). By that time, I  had had my periods back for about a year and a half. During this time, I was working retail and going to school. I started having crazy weird symptoms. Every month, I was convinced I was pregnant. I was emotional, couldn't sleep, had an insatiable appetite but couldn't keep anything down. I got dizzy and rather than the world "spinning" I couldn't focus on things. It's a very weird thing to feel. I went to my doctor and she ran blood work, which all came back normal. After a couple of months of this, she decided to send me in for a full workup. I had an MRI of my brain, I saw a neurologist, I had scans on my heart done, massive amounts of blood work-everything you can just about possibly imagine, I had it done.

Finally, when all of my results came back normal and still my symptoms continued, we looked back on my symptoms. My doctor discovered that they were always happening in the middle of my cycle. I would never have imagined correlating my symptoms to my period, which always came weeks after. She diagnosed me with PMDD (Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric/Depressive Disorder). In simple terms, it's pretty much PMS on super steroids. Now, this was on top of normal moodiness that came with PMS. Poor Todd :(

The diagnosis was received. I was okay with that. Just knowing what was going on and being able to recognize the symptoms was a relief.

In June of 2009, I saw my RE for the first time. She was very sympathetic of our issues. Despite not knowing much of my maternal family history, we began the process of getting pregnant. Before any medications or intervention was required, we had to find out what our potential issues were. So...they started out by doing ultrasounds-measuring to make sure that my uterus and ovaries were good, both there, cyst and fibroid free and that I was ovulating. Then, I had a hysterosalpinogram. This is an x-ray done in order to determine if my tubes were open. It's uncomfortable and a little painful. Thank goodness it was over quick. I had more blood work done. Todd had to supply a sperm sample and give some blood. It's so easy being a man.

Anywho, everything came out perfect. There was nothing physically or hormonally wrong with either one of us. The course of action determined after the tests was conservative. The doctor explained that we will do IUI (intrauterine insemination) with Clomid. We will try this for no more than 3 months. If the procedures are not successful, we will move onto injectable medications. I was determined NOT to inject myself on a daily basis. 

The first month, though I had high hopes, I just couldn't really imagine myself getting pregnant. I don't know how much willpower is related to getting pregnant, but after multiple ultrasounds and blood work (they do blood and ultrasound every other day...) and an unsuccessful IUI, I wasn't pregnant. 

The second month, August, was a little more productive. In fact, it was a lot more productive, it was successful! We found out we were pregnant after an insane overreaction at my poor nephew for being a silly 13 year old. Not my finest moment. However, it was (hopefully) forgiven after we found out that the reason for my overreaction was related to the spawn that was now growing inside of me.

We found out that we were pregnant on September 11, 2009. We figured Jack would be due at the end of May and I enjoyed my pregnancy. I didn't even mind the occasional bout of nausea. I never considered myself having true morning sickness because it was so sporadic and was usually the direct result of eating too much. 

Until January. 

In the beginning of January, I went to visit my parents in Seattle. I felt fine, fantastic actually. I became aware of Jack's movements on my trip. It was awesome. I would feel him every night and it wasn't any butterfly fluttering crap, my kid could KICK. And he did. Repeatedly. On my bladder. On the flight home, he would react to music that I played from my headphones. That was possibly the neatest thing ever. I got home and school started again.

The 2nd week of school, I started feeling funny. I would get dizzy and I would see stars in my peripheral vision. I called my OB, who told me to see my regular doctor, who saw me that day and my blood pressure was high...about 145/90something. She determined it to be pregnancy induced hypertension: PIH. I was referred back to my OB, who sent me to labor/delivery at the hospital. My diagnosis was confirmed. I was eventually released on an observational basis: had to make sure my blood pressure remained low without symptoms. Well, a week later I had more symptoms. I saw the doctor and was forced to withdraw from school and I went on bedrest. 

That was the least of my worries. I had faith that everything would be okay. My ONLY symptom was the hypertension and Jack continued to thrive and grow and we avoided all of the scary side effects of PIH. Unfortunately though, I had to withdraw from school...but since I was past the add/drop period, I had to get permission from the registrar to withdraw without penalty. Thankfully, they were willing to work with me and allowed me to withdraw. I went on bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was allowed out of my house twice a week for NST and bloodwork at the doctor's office or the hospital.

I cheated and went to the grocery store and Sunday dinners, but this was purely for my sanity. Weekly, I would admit my indiscretions to my OB and she was totally fine with it as long as my BP wasn't increasing (my justification was that I was getting exercise :P). They were remaining steady at borderline between high and normal.

I slept on the couch for more than 3 months. My bed just wasn't comfortable. Apparently, that's a pregnancy thing because it's fine now.

On April 29, 2010, I went in for what would be my last NST at the hospital. My blood pressure was a bit high, but it dropped down to acceptable limits before I was released. I went home and started having some contractions. I kind of figured they were braxton hicks, but they didn't go away after I drank a lot of water and laid on my left side. They lasted all day and so I called my doctor. She said keep an eye on them and if they lasted for 5 hours, to come in. They were happening about ever 5-10 minutes for 4 hours. At about 11 o'clock, I said to Todd "well, if we're gonna have this baby, let's get some sleep" and we went to bed. My contractions weren't that painful. Over night, the rest must have kicked the contractions away, because I didn't have them as regular in the morning.

However, my blood pressure was about 150ish/100something so I called the doctor. The pressure levels weren't going down, so she sent me into L&D for another NST and BP check. We went in around noon. At around 3, despite having medication to help my BP, it wasn't going down. The baby's heart rate was fine; he wasn't in any distress, so the on-call doctor decided to induce me (over a c-section.) She explained that even though Jack appeared to be fine and his latest ultrasound showed that his lungs were likely fine, he would still be considered a late term preemie. She walked us through the potential of breathing problems and worst case scenario of being transferred to Worcester--the closest NICU--if his conditional wasn't optimal. We called the grandmas. Todd's mom flew in that night and mine came the next day.

My labor was awesome. The contractions sucked...I was on pitocin, which makes them stronger. By morning, I was about 2cm dilated. The nurse urged me (very kindly) that it would be beneficial to just get the epidural if I wanted one. After all, I was there anyway and labor wasn't going to get any easier. Being induced does make labor seem longer...but only because most women labor at home. So, with induction, most women are not "primed" for labor yet--so that process is medically advanced. Anyway, by the afternoon, I wasn't progressing enough so the doctor started talking about prepping me for a c-section. I did not want a c-section, so the nurse and I got things going. I got the epidural around 2 or so and the anesthesiologist told us she'd never seen anyone smile through their epidural. I couldn't help it, despite the fear of the giant needle, I was just so excited! 

I labored on my knees, causing my water to break...this happened twice, well kind of. A few hours later, the baby shifted and my water really gushed. Todd informed me how gross it was. But, it was a good clear color so no worries. Finally, when Todd's mom went to pick mine up from the airport, I was 7cm. Whohoo! Talks of c-sections went away and while the grandmas were on their way to-and-from the airport (about 2 hours round trip with waiting...) I had progressed to 9cm. About an hour later, I was at 10! Holy moly here we go! I pushed for a good 45 minutes before Jack's heart rate started dropping. It was dipping very low and disappeared at some points. This is where the fun begins.

In a matter of moments, we went from a happy atmosphere to a very...rushed atmosphere. No one was freaking out (I'm very proud of myself for this as I tend to cry for hours over stubbed toes), we all remained calm but focused. The nurse was stimulating Jack's head to keep his heart rate up. She was on the bed with me all the way to the operating room. This is Todd's most vivid memory of labor.

Well, we finally got into the operating room. I remember shaking as though I were freezing my ass off, but in reality I was quite warm. I got more pain blocking medications and had the following conversation with the anesthesiologists:

Dr: How are you feeling? Can you feel anything?
Me: Well, I can feel my buttcheeks, is that normal? Because it doesn't really seem like something I should feel.
Dr: Oh, I think you're okay. It's normal to have some feeling, but can you feel them poking you?
Me: Poking me? No, but I can feel my butt (getting panicked)
Dr: They're already opening you up! I can see the baby. Here is your husband.
Todd: Hey!
Me: I can feel my ass cheeks.
Room: IT'S A BOY! 20:49
Jack: *pathetic waaaaah! just enough to let us know he was alive*
Me: GO GET PICTURES! NOW!
Todd: But, they're working on him. I don't want to bother them!
Me: IT'S  YOUR JOB! GO!!
Room: Counting what I assume are all the various instruments to ensure that I don't have a scalpel left in my uterus.

Hmmm...Not quite sure what to think.

Right after his first bath

I was grinning like a monkey.

I have never been so giddy to undergo a surgical procedure. Upon awakening from the surgery to remove the cyst on my face I nearly punched out the nurse. After jaw surgery all I wanted to do was pee on my own and ripped my catheter out. Yeah, it was about as fun as it sounds. However, this was a million times better than I could have ever hoped.

Now, 10 months later (yikes, I've neglected this post for a while) it's amazing to watch him attempt steps and crawl after the kitties. My favorite time of day is when we wake up in the morning and all he wants to do is snuggle in for a few minutes before playing. I know I won't always have the snuggle boy and I cherish every hug or slobbery kiss he offers me like it's the last one I'll get.

Torturing Loving on Strider 

(do you see the evil glint in his eye? Immediately after this he had the audacity to attempt sharing his goldfish with the cat!!)

Jack being in our lives has been singlehandedly the most stressful and amazing event to ever happen to us. I would go through every moment of the last almost 2 years and not change a single moment. Every second has been a new experience that is more worthwhile than anything I have ever done.