It's a good thing he's so fracking cute

Jack comes downstairs and plays in the hallway for a second. He runs into the living room and announces "DIS STOP YOU, MOMMY! YOU CAN'T PASS!"

I am immediately concerned. I investigate. At first, I play along. I tell him not to play in the bathroom. 

"I not pwayin' in dat water, mommy! YOU STOP!"

I hear him making vacuum noises. I am concerned.

Mommy Barrier, obviously

Second line of defense

I ascend halfway up the steps. Jack peeks around the corner of the landing and shouts at me.

"STOP, MOMMY! YOU CAN'T SEE! GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS!"

....um, no?

Just 48 hours ago he got in big trouble for playing in the cat food. Time out, yelled at. He apologized. 

"I not pway wif dat cat food again"

Consequences were discussed. I gave him a choice today: Beating, or nap.

"Beat me, Mommy. I not tired!"

He scooped out all of the cat food

Oh my. He's now in bed for a forced rest. I'm downstairs laughing with my fists in my mouth because my son is obviously learning to outsmart me.

Wherein I am vomited on by my baby

This requires a bit of backstory. Jack thinks it's hilarious when Todd uses Yoshi to suck up toys and spit the out. It is so beloved that it's been incorporated into our bedtime story. Nina also finds it funny.

On that note, I was pretending to be Yoshi and slurped Nina and spit her out over and over again. She loved it. And then we entered an Exorcist scene. As I pulled her back to spit her out, she spectacularly vomited all down my front. 

I've never caused my children to projectile vomit on me until now. But, I'm a mom with two busy kids, so I changed my shirt, wiped myself down with a dry napkin, and shared my grossness with the world. YOU'RE WELCOME.