25 Months

Jack will be 25 months old on Friday. I quit counting Jack's age by months when he was about 19 months. Mostly because it sounded silly. At that point, he was 1 1/2 and then around 20 months or so, he became almost 2. Now, I cherish every month I have with him.

Why? Because it's really hard to keep two year old toddlers alive. Jack has learned to climb up onto our pub height chairs to get into his seat. He has learned to use boxes, buckets, and rice cookers as step stools to reach the silverware drawer. He loves jumping off the last step on the stairs while screaming "boom!" He likes to turn his toy bins over and use them to jump off. He jumps off the arm of the couch. Are you all getting the picture? Excellent.

There's a reason we celebrate birthdays and milestones. It's not a way of measuring time, but rather a celebration of the fact that the tiny human you've been raising to grow into adulthood hasn't yet managed to kill themselves. This isn't a concept that is new to only me. I usually spend a good chunk of time comparing my child's antics to those of my friends' kids. 

Case in point: Saturday, Todd and I were trying to figure out how to manage some minor plumbing issues without bringing in a licensed plumber. Saving money and what not. Jack and I took the first trip to Home Depot together. It was a warm, muggy morning. As we were leaving, I stuck him in his carseat and left the van door open to return the shopping cart (I've made a habit of doing this when it's hot out.) On my way back, I pushed the button on the remote to shut the door and got in the driver's seat. Jack started grunting and stretched to hand me a lollipop that he had received from a man in the store (legitimately, not creepy style-the guy was offering water sample kits.) I thought nothing of it. 

Jack didn't make a peep on the way home. He sat sucking on his lollipop and I would check on him to ensure that he wasn't choking on it. Only when I got home and got around the side of the van did I realize that he spent the last 10 minute ride unstrapped from his carseat. He must have realized it at that point as well because I opened the door and he said "uh oh." My response may have been a little more PG-13 than his. 

Jack has never been a fighter when it comes to getting in his seat. I think we had some issues about a year ago when he was too short to see out the window and went through a phase of hating the car. We bought a DVD player for the van and he's been happy to sit in his seat ever since. I've never left him unstrapped and he's never been interested in attempting to unbuckle his own straps, in fact, he usually helps by putting his own arms in the straps. Putting him into his carseat and strapping him in has always been as automatic as me putting on my own seat belt. I think our routine is so ingrained in Jack that he didn't even realize he was unbuckled. I got lucky. He didn't try to climb down from his seat and I didn't have any reason to slam on my breaks. 

Moments like this make me happy that we've got someone watching over us. I like to think that Jack's guardian angel that day was my dad. Thank you dad, for keeping us safe.

14 weeks

I'm going to try and update on my pregnancy every two weeks. Really, in the first and second trimester not much happens to warrant a weekly or daily update.

Today I am 14.5 weeks. So far, in the past week, I have been able to eat. Food. Meat, in particular. Hamburgers and chicken and steak. And you can bet that the steak was the best tasting steak I've had in years. It was so good. I do still occasionally feel the baby flutter in there. Nothing beats the sharp jab I felt when the doctor attempted to locate her little heartbeat.

I'm actually starting to feel a bit better, less physically exhausted, no more nausea. I had a bout of insomnia there, which I also had with Jack, but I'm pretty sure that just comes with the unknown of a new baby. I can't afford to lose sleep with a toddler in the house, so I've been really struggling with it lately. I've been taking one Tylenol PM every night and that at least is helping me get to sleep. Once I'm sleeping, I sleep fantastic, it's just getting my brain to shut off in order to get to the point of sleep that I've been struggling with. It also probably had something to do with the weird weather we've been having lately, as well as some stressful events that have popped up over the last couple of weeks. I forced myself to get out on Friday night with some friends and I felt really good about that. I didn't feel fatigued like going out has been making me feel.

Our washing machine broke. Just quit agitating, spinning, or draining. All at once. At first, it started with a miserable clunking sound. The 30 year old behemoth just died on us. Sad. So, we took our meager savings (savings that we had planned on using in Disney World) and upgraded to a new washer. OMG. I LOVE my new washer. It's been a definite godsend. Because the washer lives on the 4th floor and we don't have the greatest ducting, I opted for a HE washer. I had heard that they spin more, or faster, or something, and that results in the clothes being a bit drier before tossed into the dryer. Instead of the usual 2-3 dries EACH load, I've managed to dry a large load of towels in one cycle. This is unheard of. I actually enjoy doing laundry now. The hassle of timing loads just right so that I don't leave wet clothes in the washer overnight is gone. Although, I'm still known to do such a thing, as I am pregnant and lack the necessary memory cells to remember such important details.

We leave for Disney World in less than a month. We're excited to go. I really, really hope that Jack is not fearful and tries out some rides with us. I hope that he doesn't freak out when he sees the life sized Mickey and Jake. I hope we can manage a schedule where he isn't overwhelmed and grouchy by the end of the day. Vacation semantics are always worrisome. I'm just glad that I appear to be on the mend from my pregnancy induced exhaustion! I was hoping that I would feel better by the time we left and am confident that I can now battle the lines in high heat and humidity.

No more social networking

I'm going to attempt to go the whole summer without Facebook, and hopefully continue on through the duration of this pregnancy. This social networking site has been my entire social outlet for the last few years (probably 6, since we moved to MA). I think I need to quit relying on my computer for social interaction. Which means I will turn to my blog, where comments can be screened and any negativity can be ignored. When I do come back, there will be a major purging of my friend list.

Facebook is fantastic for many reasons. I have been able to keep in contact with family that I don't really see otherwise. I can stay updated on my friends' lives and their growing families and people have said they really like hearing about Jack and his development. I feel as though people care about my boring life. And if they don't, well that's where the lovely "hide all by..." option comes in.

Facebook (and email, and any electronic media, really) can also take written heartfelt words and turn them into nastiness. Inflection is read where there is none. Simple standing up for oneself can be misconstrued into me reading as a bitch. Opinions are offered when none are asked for. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but when I turn to my friends and ask for support, I don't expect to be attacked for my feelings. I don't think it's okay for someone to tell me that what I'm feeling is wrong, that the only reason I feel this was is my hormones. I don't think it's okay that people take my pain and use it against me.

Turning away completely from social networking simply isn't possible, but I'm going to try to break my addiction, at least for the next few months. I do rely on chat and messaging to remain in contact with some friends. Friends who's opinions I trust and ask for. Friends who work as sounding boards to and from each other. Friends with common interests. I hope that these friends check in here periodically. Thankfully, there is still text messaging, email, and the phone.

I will probably be unable to completely remove myself, because I do really use it as a means to stay in contact with the outside world. This is especially important during the summer months, when I am so allergic to grass and trees and anything that pollinates. There are events that are planned through Facebook, there are friends who's numbers and email addresses I don't necessarily have and would like to stay in contact with. However, I will not be posting any pregnancy or Jack related updates to Facebook. I won't be posting personal updates to Facebook. I won't be uploading photos to Facebook, whether of Jack or my growing belly. I will be a silent stalker, if you will. :) I also figure that if people really care about our little family that they won't mind adding our blog address to their favorites bar and check in every once in a while.

12 Weeks

Well, I'm officially 12.5 weeks. At the end of this week, I will be exiting this horrible first trimester. I long for the days in Jack's pregnancy when I was able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I was hungry.

Baby, I hope you know how much we love you, because this next paragraph isn't going to be very nice. I'm sorry about that.

I really, REALLY hated my first trimester. I couldn't eat meat, pizza, vegetables, and sometimes fruit. I honestly don't know how I survived the last three months. Pretty sure I wasn't getting enough calories throughout the day. I was able to eat fast food breakfasts and the occasional bread product. I'm hoping desperately that the next few months will be more bearable. It appears as though things are looking up. I was able to eat meat last night (that someone else cooked) without any negative reactions.

I don't like complaining about this pregnancy, especially considering how lucky we were to be able to get pregnant without intervention and to have a healthy, normal pregnancy (as opposed to an ectopic pregnancy). I struggle with feelings of guilt for not enjoying this baby and excitement for November. The competing emotions are leaving me exhausted and miserable. I've been more nervous with this pregnancy because of the initial unknowns.

Comparison: With Jack's pregnancy, I was excited. Todd and I had the normal fears about money and sleep deprivation and exactly what we were supposed to do with a baby. But we never once stopped to think about the possibility that Jack would be anything but normal. I have no idea why I'm terrified that something will be wrong with this baby. In fact, considering the never ending nausea and "normal" pregnancy symptoms that I didn't feel with Jack, I should be reassured that things are normal. With this baby, probably resulting from the ectopic pregnancy, I've just been feeling too cautious to get really excited.

Seeing this today really helped: 

As of about 10 this morning, I'm actually feeling a bit excited about this baby. The placenta is on the back side of my uterus, so I am hoping to start feeling her move soon. Knowing that she's alive and kicking and comfy in my uterus has settled some of the nerves I've been feeling.

For now, we are referring to the baby as "she." This is "Todd logic" as no external sex organs are formed yet and it's easier to distinguish between new baby and Jack without always saying "the new baby." We would love a girl. We would be perfectly happy with another boy. As every pregnancy milestone is reached, we're finding it easier to get more excited. It's very weird, because 40 weeks is a long time. It's almost a year. But, the reality is, we have only 6 more full months before this baby gets here. That time goes by very quickly. I remembered Jack's pregnancy went by so slow because we were so excited. This pregnancy is going by very quick because we're just NOT PREPARED for this baby.

I nest early. When I was pregnant with Jack, it drove me crazy that we had to wait until we knew what we were having before we could buy anything. This baby is driving me crazy because the kids' room needs to be rearranged in order to get the crib away from the air vent. A lot of stuff is in storage: the swing, the carseat, lots of newborn clothes. And these things will all need to be washed and prepped prior to the baby's arrival. The carseat, I'm not worried about. It's the other things. The washing and scrubbing of things. The rearranging. Getting the damn crib mattress raised. These things are haunting me in my sleep. Whether this baby is a boy or girl, Jack and baby #2 are 6 months apart and in completely different seasons. I'm sure the tiny sleepers will work, but everyday clothes are a different story. I have to go through and see what will be appropriate for a fall/winter baby.

Don't even get me started on baby proofing again. I twitch just thinking about what's needing to be done. How does floor time work in a tiny living room with a rambunctious 2-year old? Jack is really into his toy swords and everything is a sword and what's going to happen the first time he "kills" the baby? AUGH! The things I have corrupted my child with.

Yesterday, Jack showed both his compassionate side and his bully side. Now that our friends' daughter is one, Jack is no longer...aggressive...towards her. Previously, he would yell and take toys and tell her "NO!" But now, he is bringing her toys and giving her hugs and kisses. Last night, she found Jack's cup on the floor and was holding it. Jack noticed, politely took the cup and thanked her. She was a bit dumbfounded that the cup was no longer in her outstretched hand and instead of being a jerk, Jack shook her extended hand and said "thank you" again to her. I laughed so hard I almost died. A little while later, her big brother was in a time out and Jack pointed and said "HAHA!" over and over again like Nelson on The Simpsons. I about died when he did that, too. I tried really, really hard not to laugh but I just couldn't resist. My son appropriately bullied another kid. It was both embarrassing and funny. Jack got hit by the little boy and I honestly couldn't blame his reaction because he "just wanted Jack to stop!" I was obviously winning the mother of the year award by not stopping or reprimanding my child because I was the idiot laughing too hard.

Oh, the things we teach our children.

High School Reunions

Last night, I had one of the most entertaining dreams that I've had this pregnancy (so far...)

It started out with Todd, Jack, and I in NJ visiting my in-laws. Todd kinda fell out of the dream at this point. My mother-in-law had to go to the pharmacy and then we were in this big hall where my high school reunion was being held. In NJ. My aunt and sister were there for some reason. Apparently, instead of a party, we were reenacting our graduation ceremony. In some weird manner.

All through school, alphabetically, I was between two friends. I believe in high school there was someone with the same last name as my friend and it put them between us, but obviously my subconscious forgot about them. I'm pretty sure if these friends read my blog, they'll realize who they are, so we shall call them friend A and friend B. A goes before me and B goes after me, last name alphabetically. Confused? Good, let's continue.

So, anyway. After much disorganized confusion, we finally lined up. The majority of my graduating class had already walked and Jack and I arrived late. Since Todd was nowhere to be found, Jack walked with me. Friend A confidently gave our old theater teacher her name while I battled to keep Jack with me. Unknown to us, we were receiving gifts after we walked across the stage. This was key in my dream. Friend A was the last person to receive the adorable ankle boots with the kitten heel. I don't even like ankle boots. Actually, I despise them. I think they're ugly, but dream me desperately wanted a pair of cute boots. Friend B left. She was only in it for the boots. How she had the insider information about receiving shoes for attending our high school reunion, I have no idea. 

The guy handing out the boots apologized and said that he didn't have anything for me. I was welcome to select a pair from the warehouse. OMG these shoes were ugly. He refused to let me choose cute strappy stilettos because he didn't think I could walk in them, what with me being 6 months pregnant and carrying a toddler on my hip. So, after what seemed like hours the guy kept offering terrible shoes to me. At one point he even offered me "limited edition Call of Duty" shoes. I declined, duh, saying I wasn't really a Duty fan. After a while, he happily runs up to me with the most. god. awful. shoes. ever. They looked like cocoon husks with weird clunky heels in the middle of the shoes. I declined and then woke up.

I rarely have good dreams about high school anymore. The last dream I had ended up with me waking in a cold sweat after a former friend attempted to kill me. This dream was surprisingly funny. I woke up wanting to dream more. I want to know if I ended up getting shoes. I want to know how many other ugly ass shoes my subconscious could come up with. What does it mean when you dream about horrible shoes? Huh. So many questions.

There's no love in politics

North Carolina passed amendment one. This amendment denies gay and lesbian couples to marry. Not just denies it, but goes one step further and outlaws it. As President Obama said, it's discrimination against an entire population of people. It sucks.

I'm ashamed to live in a world where, once again, people are being denied the right to happiness simply because of their beliefs. As Americans, we're supposed to be tolerant of everyone's individual beliefs. Honestly, by passing an anti-gay marriage law, politicians are pushing their religious agenda on the country. It really can't be denied. All the "pro marriage" groups are preaching about God's design and quoting biblical passages to prove their point. This is pushing YOUR religious beliefs on other people. Because really, when it comes down to it, this is absolutely PURELY a religious movement.

Look, you have a right to believe whatever ass backwards crap you want to believe. I respect that, just don't push your religious agenda on the American people. Just because you hold a government office does not make it your right to decide how people live their lives.

Is banning gay marriage really going to make a difference when it comes to people's sexual orientation? Do these politicians believe that by denying rights to a large chunk of the population that they will suddenly wake up and realize "huh, this whole thing is wrong. Guess I'm straight now." Going back 60 years, black and white people weren't able to get married. I would hope that once the newer generation gets involved in politics that there will be actual differences made. I hope that if my kids turn out to be gay or lesbian or decide they want to turn clowns into an actual race that our government will wise up and realize that not every person follows one beat.

I'm glad to live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal and *ahem* constitutional. And that Republican that everyone wants in office? HE PASSED IT. Yes, he has changed his stance, as most politicians do, because they change depending on what it's going to take to get voters. Every politician does this, whether it's during their campaign or once they're actually in office. This is why politicians are notoriously shady. I'm hoping that if he does beat President Obama, that he backtracks on his stance again. Because even at the core of his political stance, I truly want to believe that he is a good person and believes that people deserve equality regardless of what his religious beliefs are.

Mandatory Bragging Post

My little peanut of a baby grew THREE whole inches in 6 months. Apparently, that's a lot!

At his 2 year well baby appointment the doctor was most impressed with how active and smart he is. Well, I don't mean to brag, but...duh! Just kidding (kind of--he's my kid, I can't help but be impressed and agree with any compliments he receives.)

In all seriousness, we've been concerned about his lack of language. He babbles a lot but the words just aren't translating to English. He's got about 35-40 words, which is slightly under average, and is not even attempting to put them together in two word sentences. We made the decision a few months ago to have him evaluated if he still was not talking when he turned two. He's learning words, veeery slowly, so we brought in the Early Intervention people. We were mildly terrified that we'd end up getting some horrible diagnosis.

Turns out? He's perfectly normal. Yes, he's mildly delayed with conjoining words to make a sentence, but it's probably because he's been focusing on his gross motor skills. Of which he scored above average. This is normal for boys. Honestly, it was just a relief to know that there aren't any learning disabilities. The ladies tasked with evaluating our little snowflake were impressed with how well he followed directions, how eager he was to please and complete tasks, how smart he was, and how well his gross motor skills are forming. He matched shapes and colors and stacked toys above their testing standards. The only thing he couldn't do was thread beads onto a shoelace and they weren't overly concerned with that because all the other fine and gross motor skills were so strong. It was also his first time EVER being exposed to that task and they were impressed that he made such a strong attempt to complete it. Overall, we just had our egos inflated with praise that our kid rocks. Of course, we already knew this!

They said nothing about his sippy cup usage (unlike the terrifying physical therapist that I met about a month ago) but they did recommend we cut back on daytime binky usage. We're working on this already, granted not as hard as we should, but we know that now that he's two we should be cutting way back. They also recommended he get a hearing test, just to ensure that there aren't any middle ear issues that could be causing his lack of word explosion. Our family doctor agreed and Jack is having his hearing checked next week.

People kept telling me "but he's only two" and "he's so little" and yes, I know how old my child is, but it's okay if I'm concerned that a) he's developed at a normal pace for everything else and b) he's not hitting verbal milestones that every one of his peers is hitting or has passed. I get that people are trying to ease my mind, but it just wasn't working. I appreciate the support, I really do, but Todd and I were concerned and really, that's all that matters in the end. Honestly, I'm just glad to have the peace of mind knowing that Jack is developing normally for a boy (because as much as we want to focus on equality, boys and girls are wired differently and develop and learn in different ways.) I was comforted with the idea that even though he's not using English words, he is definitely trying to communicate and understands two step directions.

So, for now we start with the hearing test. We focus on enunciation. When he babbles nonsense at us, we focus on what we think he wants and use English words combined with signs. Gonna have to teach Todd signs. Oh fun!