That thing cost 45 dollars!!! WHY ARE YOU EATING IT???

Every new mom has nursing bras. They're "supposed" to help make nursing in public easier by simply detaching the cup to allow discrete access to the nipple. Well, when I bought mine,  I was 5 months pregnant, my boobs were HUGE and this bra was incredibly comfortable. It was also like $45 and I bought two. Stupid...

There are things that should not be purchased during pregnancy. Haircuts, clothing and mattresses. Mattresses are the biggest NO NO. I grumbled throughout the second half of my own pregnancy about how horribly uncomfortable our bed was and we went to various mattress shops to attempt picking out the perfect new mattress. Eventually, we decided to wait until after the baby was born and get a king size. So, I lived on the couch from February until May. It rocked. The couch hit my aching back and legs in just the right spots and the place where the cushions meet cradled my giant belly and I could sleep all night...minus the 3-4 bathroom breaks. Also, it had access to the good TV with DVR so my pregnant brain could rewatch the same 5 minutes of shows 17,000 times because I couldn't grasp what I was watching. Also, it had easy access to the fridge.

As soon as the baby came out, my bed was wonderfully comfortably again.
HOWEVER, back to the point. My boobs grew an entire cupsize and I bought nursing bras while 5 or 6 months pregnant and they ROCKED. Now, I realize that buying nursing bras when one has no idea what nursing will entail was stupid. First off...underwire. Sure. It's awesome for keeping the girls up for date night, but it's not very practical for nursing. When you nurse, your boobs fill up every few hours and you wonder how on earth they could get any bigger...well they do. A LOT. And underwire is not good for rock hard, milk filled breasts-it STABS them as though they're trying to rob the underwire of its money or...I dunno, copper. Then, as the volume reduces, the bra no longer fits properly and is constantly beating the baby in the face. I hope to rescue any woman from every buying nursing bras with underwire. I have lived in the sleeping nursing bras since I was in the hospital. I want more for Christmas.

So, having been peed on and spit up on my two favorite sleep bras, I was forced to wear the dreaded death trap that is the nursing bra with underwire. As I've mentioned, it's not comfortable for nursing, so invariably, I end up removing it to nurse. Where did I put it? Well I threw it across the room to attach the screaming, starving baby to my chest.

It's new purpose is a chew toy.

Jack has unattached the cup from the strap and is chewing on the clip. I guess it feels wonderful on his budding teeth because he's happily chewing away on it. He's eating my $45 bra while surrounded by $20 worth of teething toys. At least he's quiet.