33/34 Week OB appointment

Had my 33/34 week OB appointment today. Went in feeling dizzy and seeing spots. My blood pressure was 151/87 before I left the house and was 144/84 at the doctor's office. I left after I was feeling better. They were nice and rescheduled tomorrow's NST for today so I didn't have to go in 4 days this week!

Baby Nina is perfect. Her heart rate, NST reactivity, and growth are all fine. I'm measuring back on target, so my fluid levels must now be back to normal. Me? Not so much. I'm a mess.

I don't know if it's just the knowledge from Jack's pregnancy that things can go from "normal" to "oh shit, let's have a baby" in less than 24 hours, but I feel like I'm constantly anxious that something wrong is going to happen in the next couple of weeks that would result in Nina coming before 36/37 weeks. The NPs and my doctor all try to reassure me that there's nothing showing that Nina is going to come early. Logically, I know this. I know that I can make it to 37 weeks if not all the way to my c-section. Well, the emotional part of my brain has all but murdered the logical part.

I've been so focused on what it means if she comes early that I haven't been focusing on what I'm doing right: drinking a crap ton of water, resting as much as possible (with Jack suddenly not letting anyone besides me change his diapers, I'm up a few extra times a day, but I'm trying and that's what counts), and going to bed around 11 every night and occasionally napping with Jack during the day, I'm doing pretty well. I was informed today that for each extra day I manage to keep my baby inside, it's 2 days off a potential NICU stay if she does come early (which she won't, I know, I know, I'm trying) and that even if she comes tomorrow (which she won't, etc), babies at 33 weeks do extremely well and we'd worry most about her lung development. I was also reminded that at 36 weeks, babies rarely spend any time in the NICU at all. Also, instead of my thinking in terms of Mondays, I was reminded that 36 weeks is ONLY 2.5 WEEKS AWAY, THE FU....? Remember, Jack was born at 36.5 weeks. That's only 3 weeks out. Oh my heavenly angels above.

Jack was perfect at 36.5 weeks. He was a healthy weight for his gestational age, was more full term than not so he never had an adjusted preemie age. He hit every milestone (except language) on or before the average. He's brilliant. I shouldn't worry as much about his sister.

Except? I do. I worry that I've been to stressed and worried during this pregnancy that poor Nina is going to be a high maintenance baby and it's going to be all my fault. I've tried to be relaxed. The first trimester was the hardest. I was a nervous wreck at the possibility of her being another ectopic pregnancy that I cried a lot before I started feeling her move. I kept my mouth shut until after the first ultrasound showing she was planted squarely in my uterus and not my remaining tube. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to keep secrets? I'd be a terrible spy.

We're going to get Jack a pumpkin. He's been obsessed lately. I honestly think that keeping me busy is the best way to relax me and not have me sit sedentary on the couch all day worrying about kick counts or calculating the earliest she can come without NICU time. Seeing my boy light up instantly relaxes me. This will be a good day!