I went back to school and all I got was this stupid brain ache

I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. It seemed perfect, I love to teach little kids things and am amazed at their willingness to learn. I can stand them-I very rarely get impatient with small children. Once they start getting mouthy-around 3rd grade-I can take 'em or leave 'em, but first and second graders, wow...they're like little sponges. So, I decided to go back to school.

Three years later...I cram assignments into Jack's 30 minute naps (of which he takes 3 during the day) and then stay up super late trying to cram more thoughtful information into a two hour window before my brain dies. Why? So that I can one day (sometime, I can't even envision this particular part of my life at the moment) I can say "I'm a teacher" I spent more on my education than I will ever get paid. Why? Because it's fulfilling...well, yes there's that. Also, my husband has a pretty good job so really I can do whatever I want for work.

Then I stop and remind myself...had I never gone back to school, I could be a stay at home mom. Like, full time. I would love this. However, getting halfway through school just to drop out and stay home with my son kind of sounds like a cop out. So for now, I am not so happily slaving away in the dead of night to attempt some sort of degree so eventually my son won't be embarrassed of me. You know, when I drop him off at school with curlers in my hair or slippers on my feet. Well, maybe slippers but curlers don't really work for my hair. But you get the point, right?

Taking 4 online courses is really hard to keep up with. I'm 2 weeks behind in my science class because I can only do that homework when Todd is entertaining the boy. Lately, Jack has not been wanting to be held or entertained by anyone but me. This presents a problem when it comes time to get work done. Next week, we're instilling a "Daddy comes home an hour earlier so Mommy can go to the library and get some work done" regime. Because, I really, really, really need to get caught up with school.

Take this: I have completely run out of creativity. I can not make up names or produce any original thoughts lately. Why? I think my brain has left. Oh, it still hurts, I think that's the separation pain though because it's definitely run away. Sometimes I sit there and just stare at Todd for words that used to be a part of my expansive vocabulary (look I'm smart, I promise!)...you know like "touch football" (I swear to frickin' jeebus-ask me about the time I forgot the word "cheese").

How do people do this? How can I devote all the necessary time to school when all I really want to do is snuggle with my baby? I can't withdraw again. That would be silly...besides, we'd have to start paying back those stupid loans.

Can I be a painter? I swear I can be as good as that guy that just splatters the paint on the canvas. Imagine making $$MILLIONS$$ on ink splatter. Only, I can use spit up and baby poop as my medium. It's innovative, right?

Jeez, no wonder I'm having insomnia. Stupid stress. I hope you die some day and that it's a horrible, bloody, violently messy death. Take that.

You know what else is bugging me lately? Oh, that would be Mt. Eckert. There's a mountain growing in my hallway. A mountain of LAUNDRY. Why!? I just did ALL of it before we left on vacation. HOW can there possibly be MORE? It is a mathematical improbability that there would be that much laundry. There's only two people. I consider Jack a separate laundry entity. He has his own bubble that rarely overflows. I stay on top of his. Lucky little dude.

On the other hand, I've developed some sort of yummy gooey casserole. It's sort of like Shepard's Pie, but has stuffing...and corn...and gravy. OMG if we use ground turkey, it would be Thanksgiving dinner in a baking dish. I'm pretty sure Rachael Ray has already done it and that's probably where I got the idea from.

Now why can't I take all this and write like this for my classes? Who knows...I sure as heck don't.