I consider myself to be agnostic. After all, for the most part, I'm logical. I feel that I need proof of a higher being and blind faith just doesn't work for me. However, I'd like to believe that there's some friendly guy in the sky that watches over us. Then, I look at the state of the world and think this guy has some sick sense of humor. I don't like the idea that we as living creatures are some experiment gone wrong. I HOPE that we're still evolving and one day we can stop fighting over silly things like whose god is better than whose when we have a planet that is rapidly deteriorating. Anyway, back to my original point.
I lost a lot of people in 2009. My stepgrandma, uncle and stepmom all died in 2009. Needless to say, it was a devastating year. It's insane how quickly an illness like cancer can ruin a life and the lives of loved ones. Both my uncle and stepmom died of cancer. I found out about my uncle's cancer not long before he passed. I never questioned why it took so long for people to tell me and kind of accepted that it just was. My stepmom had been battling since 2006, shortly before we moved to MA. Surprisingly her death was a relief. That last sentence sounds unfeeling and just...cold...but she had been battling for a long time and was living connected to a colostomy bag and couldn't eat or drink on her own. Her death released her of her pain and for that I was grateful. I miss her dearly as she practically raised me and has always been a strong supporter of anything I do. She was thrilled to behold the title of grandmother.
I'm writing this because I have seen (secondhand and recently) how quickly cancer can just come on and then rip the hearts out of various loved ones. I wish that this never happened. I wish I could live in a world where cancer only happened to old people; people whose lives had been lived and that had been lived well. I know that sounds selfish and delusional and like I'm wishing old people cancer. I'm not. I know a lot of cool old people, but my point is that it's unfair when cancer affects children or young adults. People that have yet to live their lives; have yet to be married or graduate college; have yet to learn to ride a bike or even learn to walk.
I want to end this post with something happy because I don't want to go to bed tonight thinking of all the bad things in life. I don't want to worry whether tomorrow is going to suck worse than yesterday. I want to relish the moments that I have with my son and know that no matter what he is going to live the best life I can possibly give him. I hope that his life far surpasses my own :) Love you Jack!
This photo actually makes me a little sad because he looks less like a baby and more like a big boy
He isn't supposed to play with Xbox controllers!
Waving at his fruit
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